i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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