We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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