Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
