Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
