OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
