mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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