So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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