is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
