yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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