FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
