I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize