Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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