I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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