at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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