My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh god it's open bar.
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