Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
