I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
