dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize