I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
