You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
