you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize