Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize