I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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