Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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