Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
