wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
