saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
