Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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