I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
