Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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