Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
