11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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