just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
