at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
