It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
