seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
