you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don't tell me you're on acid again
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize