bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize