ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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