I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just had sex on a roof
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
