My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
