Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
