the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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