From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
