I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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