Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize