Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
