We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
