vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
