Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
