I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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