The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize