maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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