I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
