you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
