I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
