you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
