That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
