She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
