those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
