I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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