took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
