Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
