If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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