the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
