something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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