our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The power of my boobs compel you
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
