I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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