Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
